Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize