I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
