i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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