you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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