is your mom at the bar?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I CAN MOONWALK!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
