I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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