READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
