i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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