So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
