I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
