if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
