Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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