sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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