last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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