If i come over, it means nothing
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
