People in love make me want to vomit
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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