The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
