one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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