Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
4 words: hood of his car
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
