We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
