When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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