3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
