Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
