I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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