What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
