I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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