I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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