i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
