go do what you do best...puke behind churches
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
