how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize