I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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