Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize