dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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