What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
