Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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