I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
