There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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