I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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