Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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