so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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