I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
