When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
