THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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