I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
