Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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