PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
