I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
