I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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