I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
