Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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