For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize