i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have aggressive nipples.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
