Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
