Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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