i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
