you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
