dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
