u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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