So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I could make wine with my vomit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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