now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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