Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
