I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
