I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
