I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
