Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
