he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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