My nipple is on Facebook.
My cat gives me a boner
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
