Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
