It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think I sprained my soul last night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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