I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
