Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
